And the walls will come tumbling down....

At least I hope they will. I've recently discovered that my life is not where I want it to be. And I don't mean physically. I mean spiritually. I have these walls up that I didn't see happening and now they are so high that I dont know where to start to bring them down. Several people say that I start with God but what you don't understand is the walls are keeping him out too. Not by his choice of course. Purely by mine. For some reason, I don't want to be vulnerable to anyone. Including God. Including my husband. I dont know how to let the walls down, let my guard down to allow people in. I think if I could do this, my relationships would be so much better. And not that they are bad, but they could be more awesome. Why have I allowed these walls to come up? How do I get them to go away. To break them down?? I'm thinking about talking to someone, and have a couple of options on who. I am just not sure who would be better for it, or how tto find out!

I also want an accountability partner. Not just someone who makes sure I'm reading my bible, journaling and praying. I want someone who will walk through it with. Who will be by my side for when I need to talk it through or ask questions or just have a friend. I love my husband and we talk often but I want a girlfriend. Someone in town I can meet with on a weekly basis for coffee or whatever. Guess its time to start praying for that person! Whoever she may be! Please keep me in your prayers as I struggle to know what to do, where to go, and who to talk to. I know God is waiting for me to come to him. I just need to do it!