Thursday, April 5, 2012
How do you do it??
How do you find the time to be mom, wife, and you? I love to scrapbook. Love it. When Jake and I first got married and we lived in Richland, I would stay up till 3am scrapbooking and forget to eat because I was so involved in my project. I haven't scrapbooked in almost 4 years!! I don't have the time or the money. I don't have time to blog as much. I never have time to post pics on fb anymore. My problem? Time management and prioritizing. And money. I want time to be me, time to be with my kids, and time to be with my husband. But by the time the day is over I have run out of time to be me and sometimes be with hubby that I just want to go to sleep! I would love to strengthen my relationship with Christ but have no clue when to read. Mornings early would not be good as I barely function in the morning. I am trying to go to the gym at night but because have something pretty much every night, even that is getting difficult. I would need to be ok with going to bed at 11/12 every night! I want to spend time with my kids playing during the day and then evenings with hubby and some time for me to scrapbook, knit, crochet, read my bible/journal, catch up on photos, read some personal books and go to the gym. I would love to figure it out but I have NO CLUE where to start!! So ideas?? What does your day look like? Both work and your days off. How do you fit in you time? How do you handle your life and manage it?? Help me please!
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7 comments:
Time management is never easy, harder when you are talking -- maybe 2 hours max, but not consecutive minutes of free time. If you could create a basket of things you want to do, whether reading, journaling, scrapbooking, planning -- put it where you tend to "do your thing" -- maybe at the foot of the keyboard. When the kids are actually playing for 2 minutes, grab something and engage. Be willing to let it go often as needed. When they are napping, take a shower but work on a quick shower. Become aware of how long things take you to do -- things that are not that crucial to your sanity, and streamline them. When you do enjoy your own time, take note and literally thank God. It helps your heart. Deep breathe a lot, pray as you do, ask God for the fruit of His Spirit to attend you. Ask Him to pour His living water through you. Laugh as often as you can, even if things are not that funny. Thanks for asking, hugs, Jan
Beth-Start with the thought that God has given you no more than you can handle, then start putting a list together of what you do accomplish each day regularly. You will be amazed at how long that list is and can be thankful for the time with your kids and Jake and all that you are blessed with. Then, make a list of what you think you really want/need to do in addition to the other list. I have put on calendar once a month or less a cooking class that is just for me at the community center. I have joined meet up groups that are very kid oriented and have formed an adult circle of friends for me and a circle of friends for the girls. Some of the activities that we are involved in are just for kids while others are just for moms. There is a couple's night out every once in a while for the parents too. This meet up group meets very often but I limit our time with any of those options to 3x per week and sometimes it is less. These could be park playmates, time at a friend's house, or something like an organized facility activity. I have also joined a card making meet up group and a book reading group which also have calendars, but I pick and choose once or twice a month activities that are most appealing to me or that actually fit into the schedule. We do have gymnastics once a week for the girls and swimming in the evenings once a week for the girls, which Dirk is able to be involved with too. So as you can see, our schedule is very full, but the me time is scheduled in and the time with Dirk/girls is also there. I have not given up on the projects that I used to do, but I have looked at my time in a different way. My time with God and learning to be close to Him and His ways is built in to the pieces that I teach my girls. We got a children's bible and read through it with Katelyn as part of the reading before bedtime routine. I read in the evenings because it calms me to look at passages or a chapter that is inspiring. Do not get me wrong, this might seem like the ideal situation and that every day goes without conflict, but in reality I have to be very patient and flexible for what comes my way. Then I remember the saying that I started with. I hope that this gives you some perspective on what you choose to include in your busy schedule and what one friend has done to manage. Lots of hugs to you! Michelle
I use naptime on weekends and sometimes after Kayla is in bed at night to be "me." It kind of depends on any projects I want to tackle; if I'm not engrossed in something it turns into me-and-husband time. We used to use it to play games or do crossword puzzles, but recently (thanks to being apart for 2 months and then moving across the state and my pregnancy exhaustion) we've taken to watching TV shows on Netflix or hulu in the evenings. It's still cuddle time together, but I wouldn't classify it as "quality."
To me, regular date nights are important. Even if you just drop the kids off at the sitter's and go back home to have dinner together - quietly - and play a card game or something, promise each other that for those 2 hours (or however long) you will turn off your phones, leave the TV off, and won't get on the computer. Make it a regular thing, whether it's once a month or once every two weeks or whatever works. Even if it's on a Sunday afternoon while the kids nap and a friend comes to the house while you guys go for a walk. You HAVE to be intentional about spending time with your spouse, because YOU are the example your kids will look to for a healthy marriage and what they want in their own relationships. Be the best example you can be of a couple who craves quality time together, and who stay close to each other regardless of what's going on in other areas of life.
Being Mommy is easier when you're a SAHM I think because you have all day to do something special with them. Pick one day a week when you do something where you're TOTALLY focused on your kids for an hour. Get down on the floor and play with them, take them to the library, go for a stroll outside and point out birds, trees, airplanes, the colour of cars, dogs barking, new spring growth in gardens, clouds, etc., do finger painting - and do it WITH them. Do something special that takes your attention completely away from making dinner, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, texting, browsing FB, watching your shows, whatever. Make it ALL ABOUT your kids.
I also have an easier time being "me" because I work all day. I'm "me" all day long. It's not social, but it's still a chance to focus on things as an adult and interact with other adults without having to keep an eye on a toddler or worry that I'm burning dinner or kick myself for not cleaning the bathroom or doing the vacuuming. So this is where the trick is for SAHMs.
That gym time you're talking about, USE THAT. Plan to spend 30 minutes in the gym, but tell your hubby you'll be gone for more than that (60-90 minutes?). Then, use that time to spend an hour scrapbooking with a friend or sitting in the park reading your Bible or a devotional before heading to the gym. It's not only good for you, it's helpful for your husband to spend some bonding time with the kids, too.
I know I'm not much help on the "being you" front because I live a different life than you, but I hope something that I or these other women have said will give you some ideas on how to maintain all three roles - mom, wife, and YOU, as well as finding time to be a friend of God as well.
None of this is easy...but what in this life is? You make time and arrangements for what's important, and don't ever forget that YOU are important, too.
I have actually written out a weekly chore list. I have things I do each day of the week that are the same. For example: I have bible study on Tuesday so I have only one thing to do that day around the house. As for time with Jesus, it is hard to do as a mother! I have learned to pray and talk to Jesus no matter what I am doing! "Rejoice always, Pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the Will of God, in Christ Jesus for you"
1 Thess 5:16-18
As for crafting...do you have friends down in College Place that love to craft? If so, have a ladies craft night at each other's houses. The husbands can watch the kiddos and the ladies can have fun for a couple hours. I attend a monthly one here. You would be amazed at what I accomplish in 2 hours a month! Also...I have a quiet time with Lydia during the day...usually right before or after her nap. She watches a movie or reads a book, or plays in her room. I use that as craft time too. We have also taken 15 minutes before bedtime as clean-up time each day. It helps clean the clutter from the day. It is amazing what 3 people can clean in 15 minutes. Most importantly, I think, is to set aside a day of the week for your worship of the Lord. Most likely Sunday for sure. On Sundays here we don't do any chores or go to the store. It is our relaxing day to do what we want. I can almost certainly get my quiet time in that day. We visit friends and family, go to the park, I craft all day sometimes. I hope this helps. I have actually written down a list of what I am going to do that day. I even put crafting on it if I need to. I have to go though! See you tomorrow. This is laudry day and the dryer buzzed! Love you girl! Miki
MB you always amaze me with your earnest desire to do what’s right, your thoughtfulness and eagerness to help your friends, and how you honestly wear your heart on your sleeve. You are doing such a good job as wife, mother, and friend! Judging by these posts you have some neat women in your life as well.
We are so blessed to be called “Mom.” Easter is such a beautiful time to celebrate LIFE and remember that Christ came because he loved us. He had a life of service out of that love. Now, we are not only vessels of God’s gifts of life, but we are blessed and entrusted to serve our children/God’s children as well. It doesn’t matter how much time, money, you-time, energy, or stuff you have in order to find joy in even the mundane everyday tasks. It sounds ridiculous to give thanks for that 5th answer to nightly cries, that poopy blow-out, or the tantrum in the store, our feelings of failure or guilt, but God is with us on what seems to be the impossible journey of wife and mother. We must trust that this is His plan for us right now in this season of little ones---and it’s a short season of our life! I think one of the biggest gifts my children give me is they protect me from my own selfish ambitions and make me have more of a Christ-like attitude. They make me choose less of me and more of Him…because man do I need help so I can “do it.”
There’s books one how people “do it” and even some books on my shelf if you want to borrow them, but here’s a few rules I’ve learned to do my best at keeping:
1. Priorities should be GOD, SPOUSE, KIDS, and everything else.
2. SIMPLIFY. More is less.
3. SERVE with a cheerful heart and in everything give thanks. (harder said than done…..)
4. Keep a BASIC ROUTINE and the kids have an idea what to expect and it’s easier to plan out your tasks and time. We have a distinct rhythm to our day even with different places to go or when we stay home. Start with consistent times for everyone when eating and sleeping and go from there.
5. INCLUDE YOUR KIDS. Do you have a need for a creative outlet, exercise, cleaning? Try to choose activities that include them like crafts, photography, gardening or when your cleaning give them swifter dusters or rags so they can “help” and when I’m working or busy working at home things I have other “work” for them to do out of the special school cupboard that include puzzles, coloring books, and building toys.
6. Be CONSISTENT. This runs home for discipline, moral standards, routines, expectations..ect.
7. Stay POSITIVE …another easier said than done!
Good luck…I’m praying for you and PLEASE pray for me girls! ~Steph
**woopsy
2. Less is more.
So since you posted this I've been thinking about my time management and how we prioritize things in our home and life, and what I came up with was: Nada.
We have made a lot of plans and my husband is really good at getting done what he really needs to do- like paint the house before winter or sort out the shed, but when it comes to inside the house that's more my domain things are much more lazy... Which is embarrassing to admit.
So here are some newer things that I'm implementing to help get things on a better course.
1. Write everything down, goals, projects, etc that I want, we want to do. And then figure out which ones can be done by whom and if they can be done as a family (ie: with the kids around, lol)
2. Spending one hour a morning (my goal is to do this by at latest noon every day) taking care of the many little things that need to get done: putting away clean dishes, rinsing dirty ones, switching out laundry, folding laundry, putting it away, putting things back where they belong (other than toys- things like my purse, any groceries, clothes, etc) and have that devoted time to clean up is going to be great! Today was the first day it was good. :) Something worth turning into a routine. I set the time and could keep looking at it to see my progress. :)
3. Something I want to start- find a couple friends in the area (like you MB, if you'd want) and trade babysitting. No money just an even time trade for whatever is needed- whether is is mommy alone time, date night, working out, scrapbooking, etc. Maybe do that once a week or how ever often is needed. Then we can help each other out! After all the saying is: It takes a village to raise a child!
I'm going to keep brainstorming but those were some epiphanies I had. :)
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