Pregnancy

So I decided that I would do a little venting. Get some things off my chest that I dont get out much because people interrupt or dont understand completely what Im trying to say.

First off, I have no problem with people who have a midwife and not a dr. Or people who dont want to go to the hospital. I have a problem when you make it seem like that cause I do, Im a bad person and dont mind doing unneccessary things. That's your opinion but I disagree. I go to a regualr dr because Im not into the whole all things natural and dont get the drugs and have a baby at home. I want the drugs! And the only reason Im considering not getting it cause Im terrified of the epidural procedure! But Im a wimp and do not handle pain at all. More then likely it will out weigh my fear of the procedure. I love my dr! He's great! Answers all my questions, has been up front with me and hasnt forced me to do anything at all. Plus, after the experience of my best friends labor and delivery, knowing I will be in a hospital makes me feel at ease. If something goes wrong, Im already there. I dont have to travel to the hospital and hope that nothing happens on the way. Im already there! I know of someone who had complications and her mid wife couldnt do anything and had to transport her to the hospital. She ended up in the place she was trying to avoid! Now Im not saying that your silly for choosing a midwife. I personally dont agree with it and dont agree with their beliefs. My sister in law had a midwife and a water birth for her first one! I have another friend who goes the midwife route also and one who is thinking about it. Go for it! If thats what you want. But please, dont try and convince me or tell me that my way is wrong. That dr's are bad! That hospitals arent neccessary and drugs cause problems, and that Im wasting money on my dr. I dont believe I am. I believe that I made the right choice for me and my family. And I'd prefer it if you would respect my wishes, not convince me otherwise, and be happy when I have a healthy baby girl. Even if I do get the drugs!

Now on to my main reason for this blog. I've told people about this and they just say "oh its no big deal, even with the drugs. It will all be worth it. Dont worry about it. Dont stress about it! Women do this all the time. Women were made for this" Im terrified of birthing my child. Terrified! Scared to death! So scared I've even considered telling my dr to just do a c-section so I dont have to go through the vaginal birth. The thought of a vaginal birth scares me almost to a point of me needing to take a clonazapan *sp* just to calm myself down! More then likely I will do a vaginal birth, hopefully I wont freak out too much. And I hope I can make it through it! I do plan on having more children! Dont want to be scared away from that! I havent old my dr yet my fears. And I will soon. But I know there's not much he can do but try and educate me and prepare me for whats to come. Im scared! I dont do well when Im scared. I tend to have an anxiety attack. Im just praying that God helps me and that I do what God wants me to do! God willing, I will get through this and be stronger because of it! God willing, they wont have to tranq me just to get me through!